So Brett Durham, one of my bruthas from anutha mutha posted a blog yesterday that’s both heartbreaking and thought provoking. Whether you’re single or married, you NEED to read this blog! And for those bruhz like myself who identify with the Christian faith, I’ve got one thing to say: Yo, it is WAY PAST TIME for us to GROW our behinds UP!!!
Note my vernacular in that last statement… #KEPTitCLEAN #NOmoreCUSSINGdula #iAMgettingBETTER #KIDSreadBLOGStoo #STILLgotAlongWAYStoGO
Enjoy the weekend, peeps and thanks a lot B-DURHAM!!!
We asked the following question in a survey, “How have your negative experiences with a man/men affected the way you view men in general? Please explain.” Here is one woman’s explanation:
“Prior to my first relationship, I wanted to be able to look at the man I marry on the day of my wedding and say “no man has ever experienced this side of me.” And it hurts me that I can’t say that anymore. I could turn it all around now and refrain from getting sexually involved with any man from here on out until the day I say I do. But I ask myself…why? What’s the point? Everyone else is having sex. I have found in the past few years that every time a great God fearing, Christ loving man or woman comes into my life, I start to think, “wow…I want to be more like them.” And then I realize…yea, they love Christ, but they are still sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriend. And things are going just fine in their lives. Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about my own purity. And I stopped looking for someone who cares about my purity too. Now, I highly doubt that I will have another relationship that doesn’t in some way involve a sexual aspect. Mainly, I really don’t believe that Christian men are all that different than non-Christian men except that one claims Christ and the other doesn’t. Other than that, they both exhibit the same behaviors.”
This is tragic.
It’s tragic because she’s lost faith and hope.
It’s tragic because “Christian” men have taken advantage of her and other women in the name of Jesus.
It’s tragic because she’s lost a proper view of God and His love for her.
It’s tragic because she deserves real love and she’s only received a facsimile of love.
It’s most tragic because she’s not alone in feeling this way. Many women struggle with similar thoughts about men…especially the “Christian” ones?
Why is this tragic?
Because God has called men to act differently than we are acting, and we’re injuring people because of our selfishness and immaturity.
As guys, we often think our actions don’t have consequences. When we do things we shouldn’t, we rationalize. When a guy leads a woman on or goes too far sexually we make excuses. When a guy dumps a girl for ludicrous reasons such as, “that’s just a guy being a guy,” or “it was her fault because she’s a flirt” we simply refuse to admit our own selfishness.
Even worse is when a “Christian” guy uses “God’s leading me to break up with you because…” as a way out. Most always the real reason is we’re only looking out for number one.
We got problems.
As Christians, we are locked into a spiritual battle against a very real enemy, Satan. His tactics are subtle and deceptive. If he can distort truth he will, and he’ll do it in such a way as to cause us to doubt God’s word. When men think they can get away with treating women like garbage. This is simply not true. God will punish sin (in this life and the next).
A woman who thinks that all men will treat her like garbage because men don’t value women, is also a lie from the evil one.
The lie that sexual sin (sexuality outsides the confines of God’s intentions) is going unpunished now is also such a bold faced lie of the enemy. We think punishment only comes in unplanned pregnancies, STD’s or relational drama. All we have to do is look at our broken homes, the number of abortions, and at the depression and loneliness pervasive in our culture. These are effects of our pervasive sexual sin.
There’s brokenness everywhere.
In the first book to the Corinthians, Paul writes about sexual sin. In Chapter six verses 18-20 he says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
Did you get that? Paul says, “every other sin” is outside the body. Then he says, “but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” There seems to be a greater weight given to sexual sin. Sexual sin has greater affects on our lives because sex isn’t just about our physical bodies (another topic for another time) but involves our entire being. Sexual sin takes its toll on us personally, on our relationships, our surroundings and even future generations.
However, as men, Christ-followers, husbands, and fathers, we can’t cave to what the world and Satan are telling us is “right” or “normal.” Our job as men is to live this life as examples of Jesus’ love to our wives, kids, friends, family, co-workers, and the rest of the world. We’re called to be “salt and the light” here on this Earth. As men of God, we strive to preserve truth and bring attention to God and His Son Jesus the power of the Holy Spirit. Like all believers, I’m called to die to myself and live for Jesus!
Now, that all sounds real good, but most of the time I suck at it. Often times, I put me, or what the Bible calls my “flesh”, over what is right. The flesh is strong. There’s an ongoing battle between what I want to do in the flesh verses what God calls me to do. After many failures, I know that God’s ways are ALWAYS better than my ways. If God says jump, I need to say “how high” because He is GOD and He knows what is best for me.
When I fall short, and see the crap that results, I want to change. As Henry Cloud says, ” We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
That means that I need to surrender to His will for my life. That means I should be obedient to His commands because He is a loving God that desires my best but also desires His glory. So, I live in willing subjection to Him, because He is God and I am not.
It’s not easy, but I yield myself to His ways and remain in fellowship with Him.
To the woman who wrote this response I want to say: I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we men have been so selfish, sex-crazed, and disrespectful. That is not what God’s plan is for you or for us. It is not acceptable. Please know that many of us men are reaping the consequences of the behaviors we exhibit, even though you may not be able to see it.
You haven’t been treated with the respect and dignity that you deserve as a woman, but that doesn’t mean you do not deserve to be treated that way. Remember the old adage that says, “The best things comes to those who wait?” Well, though waiting is difficult the adage does come with a lot of wisdom. When we wait patiently, we can see things clearer, for how they really are and not how we want to see them.
You can wait. Trust in God. Allow him to guide your steps. The path will quite possibly lead you to a Godly man who recognizes and honors you. You are a priceless treasure. You are made in the image of God. You are worthy. You don’t have to settle.
And to the men reading this: guys, actions have consequences. How are you treating the people in your life, specifically the females? Sin doesn’t go unpunished. Selfishness leaves nasty wounds on others. Make the radical change in our lives to live in obedience to God’s plan for us sexually.
As Christians, we should live differently than the world and crucify our flesh. We must live it out and not just talk it. We ought to live what we believe.
Let’s care for women differently and show the world what a man who loves Jesus looks like.